[FONT="]Subject: Catch the Defecator
Okay,
So we're going to play a game where we combine feces, I mean forces, to catch the mysterious Defecator of NAA. If you don't know what a defecator is, please look up the word "defecate" and go from there. Over the past several weeks, a certain individual ( I hope there's only one and that this isn't a doobious conspiracy) has been defecating on the floor of the 3rd floor boys' bathroom in the elementary building. This individual is using the same M.O. (Latin for modus operandi - I think that's mostly correct , or means of operating). He gets into the stall, takes care of his business by releasing the cargo from the bomb bay onto the floor immediately ADJACENT to the commode, locks the stall door and somehow manages to exit the stall without a sign or stench of having committed the dastardly deed. Perhaps this individual is a germophobe and afraid to place their bum directly on the cool seat of the commode which has entertained the posteriors of who knows whom previously. Or perhaps he is an "Organic Rembrandt" of sorts who prefers to admire his masterpiece in the "dry" medium versus the wet one. Anyone's guess. Bottom line, we need your help to figure out who he is and put a stop to this mess (literally). He seems to be using the rest room at about the same times on each occurrence i.e during the lunch shifts when he has probably figured out that most, if not all of the hall monitors are in the cafetorium supervising. So this is what we need you to do: please keep a running record for the next week of whomever asks to use the rest room or water fountain (or leaves the room for any reason really) during the hours of 11:00 a.m. and 12:45 p.m.. It's probably safe to just record the boys' names at this point. The next time it happens, we will ask for your record of who was out of the room and hopefully narrow the suspects down to a small handful. If it was happening at any other time, we could probably just have the hall monitors walk into that bathroom after each and every patron leaves it, but we don't really have the resources for that currently, though it is still being considered.
I wish that this were a joke, but it's not. Poor Todd and Brian et. al. have had enough of cleaning up after this person. So please won't you help us put an end to the dastardly deeds of this poopetrator? And #2, help us to keep NAA clean, tidy and sanitary? It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your efforts in this rather dark endeavor. Enjoy your afternoon and evening. And remember, the doctor recommends increasing your daily fiber intake for proper digestive health! DPA[/FONT]
