You know ... I was reading the post that Wiz made a while back about some of the petitions he's seen ... http://www.shardsofdalaya.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=6125
And it reminded me of this e-mail, some of you may have already seen them, but for those who haven't enjoy since it's the holiday spirit.
If Santa answered his mail honestly...
Dear Santa I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud
boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy, nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn
care. How about I send you a f....... book so you can learn to read
and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE
can spell! Santa
Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask
for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd
like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you
can do. Love,Teddy
Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door
in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up
that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa
Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes,
a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis
Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're
retarded. Santa
Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan
Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in
my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me
a bottle of scotch. Santa
Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you
busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,
where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind
by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail
waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to
know. Santa
Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you
do. I'm skipping your house. Santa
Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy
Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that
crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa
Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home? Love, Marky
Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you
live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad
just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet
Dreams, Santa
And it reminded me of this e-mail, some of you may have already seen them, but for those who haven't enjoy since it's the holiday spirit.
If Santa answered his mail honestly...
Dear Santa I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud
boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy, nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn
care. How about I send you a f....... book so you can learn to read
and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE
can spell! Santa
Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask
for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd
like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you
can do. Love,Teddy
Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door
in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up
that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa
Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes,
a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis
Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're
retarded. Santa
Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan
Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in
my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me
a bottle of scotch. Santa
Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you
busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,
where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind
by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail
waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to
know. Santa
Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you
do. I'm skipping your house. Santa
Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy
Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that
crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa
Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home? Love, Marky
Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you
live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad
just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet
Dreams, Santa